You can attract and meet Japanese women online if you choose your photo wisely and put some thought behind your profile.
And some of the things that might work in online dating back in your home country won’t work in Japan. As with lots of stuff – Japan’s a bit different.
Japanese girls are less drawn to your ideas of being “interesting” and more drawn to you being stable, friendly, and not being dangerous or a perv. And her ideas about masculinity are different than what you may know.
The most important parts of almost any online dating site or dating app are your photo and your profile. These are in your control, unlike your age and height. Girls these days will categorically ignore guys of a certain age, height, location, etc. But most are open to a well-presented foreign guy.
The photo and profile are where you’ll do that. Let’s look at these two aspects and how to stand out from the thirsty herd.
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What profile photos attract Japanese women on online dating sites?
The main photo, the first one she’ll see, is consistent with what you’ll find on most dating sites. It should show you clearly, by yourself, sober, and approachable.
The two main categories I recommend are the portrait shot and the mid-activity shot. If you go with the latter, you need to be sure you’re easy to see.
Using a portrait photo
Have someone else take it. Online dating sites are littered with selfies. They’re unnatural and they can imply you have no friends. If you really don’t have someone to take a good shot or you’re in a hurry, use the timer mode instead of a selfie. It’ll show more of you and you can take on a more natural pose.
There are no specific rules, of course, but here are a bunch of other tips in no particular order:
- You sitting across the dining table from someone is a good shot to use. Then she can imagine you in that situation, on your date.
- A pleasant smile. Not a smirk or a big cheesy, tooth grin, especially if you’re older, because it can reveal your wrinkles.
- Suffice it to say, be clean. But be yourself. You can be K-pop pretty boy, rugged, or nerdy. All are OK as long as don’t look like a weirdo.
- Dress in a neat casual way, as you would for a date. Suits are usually too much, especially if you’re looking to date younger women. It’s not a job interview. Stylish, clean clothes.
- No gym shots, but if you’re in good shape, a collared shirt with the sleeves rolled up is great for attracting Japanese women. They love subtle suggestions of masculinity and being a hard worker. T-shirts are OK, too. Nothing goofy or loose-fitting (unless you’re a skater or into street fashion, but even then, choose wisely).
Using an activity photo
Again, I’ll just give you the tips in no particular order.
- Have someone else take it, or use the timer mode on your camera rather than a selfie.
- No overly aggressive, dodgy, or rural activities like combat sports, playing poker, fishing, paragliding. It’s just too much for a first impression and it may trigger some sort of alarm in her. She’s just looking for a reason to fear you, especially if you’re a foreigner. And if she’s not, her friends or family are.
- Playing an instrument is a good activity shot, as long as it doesn’t hide your face. What women don’t love musicians? I knew a guy who scored majorly with his “sensitive guy playing the guitar” shot, looking boyish and artistic.
- Nothing that shows other people.
- Holding or petting an animal (ideally a dog, even if you’re a cat guy, like me) is OK, but as long as it makes you look in control. Cradling your shiba-inu? That’s money.
What about the other photos in your dating profile?
Here’s where you can bring in more activities and things that represent you.
Pay no mind to her photo roll of food items, random scenery, and blowing money on stupid shit at Disneyland. Japanese girls and women, unlike, say, Filipinas, Thais, and Taiwanese, use what we might call “representative photos.”
This is partly because there are so many pervs out there and they don’t want to show too much of themselves. And partly is because Japanese women outwardly define themselves by the clothes they wear, food they eat, places they go. And partly, honestly, is they just don’t think about it.
If she’s under 40, guys are going to hit on her if she puts up nothing but a slice of cake or the back of her head at the beauty salon. Very few Japanese women project anything remotely interesting in their online dating profiles. You have to be lucky enough to get the date to find out the real person behind the cheesecake slice.
Back to you. Some tips:
- Photos with animals are generally good, as long as you don’t look weak or dorky.
- Photos with kids are iffy. If you can show you playing with kids in a non-creepy way, that can work.
- If you’re with friends, blur them out – both for their privacy and so she’s not more attracted to them than you.
- No more than one or two photos of stuff other than you. If you take photos, cool, put up your best photo. If you travel all over the world, cool, show you at somewhere beautiful or familiar, like the Eiffel Tower or the Taj Mahal.
Now let’s get to your profile.
Writing a good profile to attract Japanese women on dating sites and apps
Again, don’t follow her lead. She may have nothing but a couple of poorly formed sentences on how she doesn’t have the chance to meet people.
Or she may have some long story about her entire life and preferences. Guys generally don’t read them anyway and guys are going to hit on her anyway, so long as she’s under 40 and not completely unattractive. And even then, guys are still probably going to hit on her.
As for you, she’s more likely to read it, especially if you’re a foreigner. How much more likely? I’d say about 4 times. That’s been my experience. Like I said, many girls will just quickly rule you out based on your age or height. Others will left-swipe at the photo
But don’t give up, plenty will make it through and check your profile. So you need to get it in order.
Here are the tips:
- Be brief. Don’t fill your profile with tons of details and long descriptions of who you are and what you’re looking for. Most Japanese women (especially the most desirable ones) don’t have time to read all that. You need to grab her attention quickly, and then establish sufficient trust.
- Use Japanese (if you can). Even if you have to get a friend to help, she’s much more likely to read it if it’s in Japanese. Most Japanese women don’t use English on a day-to-day basis (even the ones who speak English quite well). Japanese-language online dating profiles are more likely to get responses and results.
As noted in another article, you can still meet Japanese women if you have little or no Japanese ability.
That said, don’t overdo it if your Japanese is awesome. Be humble. And add a few sentences in English as well. I’m not even fluent and many girls have questioned if I’m even the white guy they see in the photo. - Show don’t tell. If you’re a successful international businessman, don’t just “say so,” show it. Don’t just list your job title and say that you are a manager with an international company in Tokyo.
Mention it briefly in your profile and don’t focus on it.
She’ll be happy if you’re rich and accomplished. But she doesn’t want you to be self-absorbed. Imply it in your photos – the sub-photos, not the main one. Show you eating in a high-class restaurant. Or lounging at a fancy resort. Or in a well-tailored suit. - Be fun, cute, quirky, and approachable. Online dating in the West or perhaps in Latin America and some other countries, gives you points for being clever and suggestive. If you can make an Aussie girl laugh with your clever banter, you’re in.
That will almost never work in Japan.
Most Japanese women will respond better to a profile that is kind of “cutesy” – using a few emoji, some exclamation points (!!), positive things. No need for all this stuff about how you’re pursuing your dreams, highly motivated, value someone’s character.
You’ll find the same applies in your early chats with most girls. It’s numbingly boring. Your sarcasm and wit will get you nowhere unless you’re fluent in Japanese.
Just be nice. Talk about positive stuff. Don’t talk too much about work. - Convey emotions, not facts. Your description of your job doesn’t need to say, “I’m the senior manager of an international finance company, and I’ve worked in Tokyo for 2 years.”
Let her find out. Instead, talk about how much you love what you do. Mention that you have great coworkers. That you like to go out for coffee with them. That you love to learn new things about Japan and get better at Japanese.
Japanese women are often looking for men who are stable in their careers and popular with their co-workers and other social groups. This shows you’ve got substance and can be counted on.
The final word on your dating profile for attracting girls from Japan
To sum it up, be humble, safe, and approachable. Between the pleasant photos and your positive profile, she should feel you’re at least someone who’s safe to talk to.
Then when you get to chatting, keep it up. There are a lot of subtle weirdos in Japan. A lot of pervs. She takes a big risk anytime she meets up with a guy, so allay her fears and you’ll be fine.
