Filipina women have a tendency to lie. If you’re in a relationship, you’ve probably encountered it, in different degrees. So you naturally want to know if she’s lying, and when she’s lying.

It’s important to know when a Filipina is lying, because it may actually be an act of kindness, or she may flat out be trying to scam you.

Far more often than not, it’s harmless and it’s a cultural thing. Everyone lies to some degree and in some cultures lying isn’t necessarily malicious, it’s done to save embarrassment or discomfort. It can start in the dating stage and continue indefinitely.

If you learn to see the differences, you’ll be much happier in your relationships with Filipino girls.

Because of the culture they grew up in, many Filipino girls choose to lie over flat honesty. It’s generally more convenient and takes less energy. The lies are usually small. But for a foreigner who’s used to being upfront about things, it can be hard to tell when your Filipina is lying, or even why. And if she is lying, the lies can add up. Some of the main ways to tell if your Filipino lady partner is lying:

• Her body language is different than usual
• Her tone of voice changes or she speaks differently
• She’ll use drama to play the victim

It can be different for each Filipina, but these are a good start. We’ll focus on some examples that show how it looks like when a Filipino girl is lying, and then show how to deal with this as painlessly as possible.

Her body language is different

Body language changes are a key way to know if she’s lying. Just don’t get carried away with it. Use it as part of the bigger picture. These changes are easier to spot when you already know how your Filipino partner usually acts. You’ll be able to establish a baseline of behavior when you’re a few months into the relationship. These are the things to look out for:

Fidgeting

You and your partner might run into one of her guy friends while you’re out for dinner at SM Mall or walking along the boardwalk in Dumaguete.

They exchange pleasantries and she introduces him to you as an acquaintance. But she forgets to mention where she knows him from. So you ask her.

She tells you she used to work with him. But there’s something off about her manner. She might be wringing her hands or pushing around the food on her plate with her fork. Maybe she can’t keep still in her seat. She seems rattled. There’s obviously something more to the story.

If the guy was an ex-boyfriend of hers, why wouldn’t she just tell you? Well maybe in her past relationships with Filipino men, the subject of exes almost always led to jealousy and arguments. She assumes this might also be the case with you, so she decides to avoid conflict by leaving out that one detail.

Tell her that she doesn’t need to keep anything from you. And that it’s not a big deal if she used to go out with him. You’ve both had past relationships.

If she had a bad experience with the guy, that might be another reason she wants to hide it from you. Tell her that whatever she’s experienced in the past is what makes her who she is now. All those things are what brought you together.

She if she relaxes and opens up. She may not. This may just be how she is. Think about if you’re secure enough with that.

Her eye movement is off

There’s a common belief that if someone glances to the right and down, they’re lying. But this may be wrong and there are better ways to read your Filipino girlfriend.

Maybe your Filipina partner doesn’t look you straight in the eye when she introduces her “friend.” Or she looks away when you ask how well she knows him.

If you joke that she probably used to go out with him, she might even roll her eyes at you as if to say, “you’re being ridiculous.”

Gently persuade her to tell you why she acted strangely. If she feels cornered, she might snap at you in denial. Assure her that you won’t be mad if it turns out she did lie about it. Because if you do get mad, she’ll hide more things from you in the future just to avoid conflict.

And for your own part, think about how much you really need to know. And how well you can handle it.

Her tone of voice changes or she speaks differently

Maybe you receive an important letter and your partner accidentally throws it away. So you go and ask her where it is. Even if she knows that she threw away a bunch of papers that morning, she’ll say something like, “I have no idea! I haven’t seen any letter.”

If she answers a little too quickly, or her voice sounds loud or high-pitched, this is a pretty good way to tell if your Filipina is lying to you.

She might also start to ramble and answer your question with more questions. And if a Filipina is feeling guilty, she’ll even give you some suggestions. In this example, something like, “Where did you put it? Maybe you took it with you to work.” Or, “you must’ve misplaced it.”

To cover up a lie, a Filipina will also go as far as to scold you by saying, “I told you to be more careful with your things.” Or, “you can’t always expect me to know where all your stuff is.”

When it comes to this, again be upfront. Say something like, “Sweetheart, I didn’t throw anything out, so it must’ve been you. I know you didn’t do it on purpose, so you can just tell me.”

You have to reiterate that you won’t be angry with her. Assuring her that you won’t get mad about something will be a recurring theme. That is until your partner gets used to the notion that there’s no need to lie. Because you’re not going to react in the way that she thinks you will.

Getting angry and loudly blaming others is not how Filipinos generally deal with things. No one likes a hothead. It’s also a tendency that can get you a steady stream of tampo.

She’ll use drama to play the victim

• A lot of Filipino girls use the play-the-victim tactic to put the blame on someone or something other than themselves.
• Filipino people find it hard to admit they’re wrong, at least openly. That quality’s certainly not unique to Filipinos, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying.

Drama victim to avoid conflict

• Let’s go back to the example of the letter she accidentally threw out.
• Perhaps you find it in the trash and you go and tell her about it. Instead of owning up to her mistake, she may get defensive and switch the blame on you. She could say something like, “if it was so important, why did you leave it lying around?”
• Then she’ll add some drama by saying, “I’m so tired all the time. I take care of you and the house. Aside from that, I’m always worried about my family in the province. Don’t add to my stress.”
• Filipinas will also use drama to get out of inconvenient or confrontational situations.
• If you come from a culture where apologizing is the norm (like Japan) or is the decent thing to do (like most Western countries), this can tick you off. With good reason, because it doesn’t fit into your idea of justice or decency.
• All we can say is, deal with it. It’s part of what you got yourself into in this relationship with a beautiful Filipina. She’s far from perfect.

Drama victim to save time and trouble

Another example. You and your partner are out driving. After a while, she gets pulled over for a traffic violation. Don’t be surprised if she tells the officer that she didn’t notice the red light because she was rushing to the hospital where a family member was just confined.

This pattern of situational dramatic lying is something you may have to get used to.

With the way the Philippine government works, your partner might choose to use drama every time that there’s an inconvenience like this. Because the alternative would be to suffer long queues at the nearest traffic office just to get her driver’s license back.

But if it’s behavior that bothers you, talk to her about it. She may not get where you’re coming from, but she’ll make an effort if she sees that it’s an issue for you.

Common lies for Filipinas

As mentioned, Filipinas do tend to tell lies and it is part of the culture. In many cases, it’s to save face or to avoid conflict.

Common lies are:

• Telling you she’s never been with a foreigner before
• Saying she’s in love with you, but you just met
• Sickness and accidents in the family
• Neglecting to mention she has kids
• Telling you she’s single when she’s actually separated
• Saying she’s a college graduate
• Telling you she loves men who are 30 years older or she has no interest in Filipino men (other Asian women, such as Vietnamese and Taiwanese may be more straightforward about this)

You get the idea.

These are the most common ways, and how you can interpret and deal with them.

White lie

People usually tell white lies to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. Or to boost someone’s self-confidence. They’re considered mostly harmless and acceptable in both cultures.

Filipina women also use white lies to avoid inconvenience.

She could say something like, “I can’t meet up with you today because I’m not feeling well.” But in reality, she’s feeling lazy.

Another common Filipina white lie is, “I’m on my way, hon.” But she’s actually just about to put on her makeup.

Lying by omission

This is where the line blurs a little. Most westerners consider this to be a full-on lie. But a lot of Filipino girls think that lying by omission is pretty harmless.

For example, you ask her about her day, and she tells you that she went to the mall to window shop.

But she forgets to mention that she splurged on an expensive dress. To her, leaving out such details isn’t that big a deal. And in a case like this, it isn’t.

But if you prefer that she be honest with you about everything, help her along by asking specific questions.

f you ask a broad question, she won’t feel the need to give you complete answers.

So instead of asking how her shopping trip went, you could ask her if she bought anything nice.

Saving face

Keeping up appearances is a common theme in Filipino culture. This isn’t just physical appearance, but also your standing and respectability. The saving face concept is prevalent across most Asian cultures.

So there will be times when your partner might lie because her image or standing is more important to her than honesty.

This could look something like her telling you that she finished high school even if she didn’t. Or she might say that you’re the first Westerner she’s ever dated. Filipinas tell these kinds of lies because they don’t want you to think less of them.

Saving face lies are more common early on in the relationship.

Again, ask her specific questions. If she says that she finished high school or college, ask her what school. Or what year she graduated. You could also mention that you’d love to see her graduation photo some time. Keep it playful.

Another way to deal with “saving face” lies is to get information from her friends or family about certain things. Keep it subtle. If there’s a lie being told, one of them might slip up.

“Don’t judge me” is a very common refrain you’ll constantly hear from Filipino women.

So you might just drop it if you don’t really need to know.

Lying to avoid conflict

Foreign men usually find that Filipina women try to avoid conflict. Asian women and most Asians of all genders are the same.

She may push back on what to have for dinner or what Netflix show to binge next. But they generally defer to others when it comes to bigger matters. This comes from a culture where pleasing other people is the standard for being socially accepted.

Another thing. If your partner plans to do something that she knows you won’t approve of, she’ll keep it a secret instead.

Maybe you ask her why she isn’t wearing the necklace you got her. She might be flippant and say it’s lying around the house somewhere. But in reality, she pawned it so she could send some money to her family in the province.

In this case, it isn’t a big deal to her because she’s confident that she’ll get the necklace back before you mention it again. Conflict avoided.

Also, Filipinos are proud people. Generally respectable Filipina women would rather fix their money problems on their own than ask you for help. This circles back to the culture of saving face.

Conclusion

Most Filipina women are loyal and trustworthy. Lying is, however, somewhat part of the deal when you’re in a relationship with one of them. A lot of times, the lies they tell come from a sense of habit. It’s a part of the cultural differences you’ll have to face together. Of course, you still want to know when a Filipino woman is lying, because if it’s a matter of you getting screwed over, scammed, or continually taken advantage of, that’s probably not behavior you should tolerate.

You both have to make an effort towards fixing and adapting to these differences. If she readily makes a change in how honest she is with you, you’ll find that she’s a keeper. If it’s a constant fight against the lies, then prepare yourself for a lot of silent treatment and for things to get worse. It may be time to move on.