Why do Japanese women want to date foreign (particularly Western) men? (“Western” here generally means non-Asian men from English-speaking countries.)
What attraction do these men hold for Japanese women? How is it different from attraction to Japanese men or even to other Asian men, such as Koreans? That may also shed some light on why Korean men lately are often more desirable than Western men.
They represent what used to be more exclusively for Western men: assertiveness, power, status, romance, and something non-Japanese.
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Why foreign men instead of Japanese men?
It’s hard to generalize, and it’s hard to find reliable statistics, but in general you should remember that most Japanese women do not date foreign men. There are a lot more Japanese women in Japan than there are foreign men.
There are various reasons for this, although the simplest one is convenience. She busy with work and family. Japanese men are all around them, speak the same language, and are readily available. (Boy, are they ever available!) If only they can make their move. Even if Japanese men are generally a bit passive, there are ample chances for a personal introduction, drinking parties, and meeting someone at the workplace.
So the Japanese women who do choose to date foreign men are a subset of the population that, for various reasons, are open to the possibility of dating foreign men.
Online dating has made this much easier, as sites and apps have become more universal. Any Japanese girl who puts herself out there, no matter what she looks like, no matter her age, will get assaulted by thirsty men immediately.
There are good guys in there, and she can pick through them as she wishes. There are also TONS of Japanese men on there, even on the ones specifically for foreign romance (such as Japan Cupid), and she may again play it safe and just go for one of them.
Japan has a lot of Japanese people, and its own (perceived) way of doing things
Japan is a famously conservative and insular culture. Japanese culture often defines itself by its uniqueness, the idea that Japan has its own way of doing things and its own particular traditions and values.
Japan is also a highly homogenous society – 97.8% of people in Japan are ethnically Japanese. Then, among the foreigners, a high percentage are Chinese and Koreans who have assimilated to the point where they’re fluent in the language and acculturated.
All of these factors – cultural identity, longstanding traditions, and the general idea of “what is normal” – contribute to women’s impressions and wishes, and as a result there are many Japanese women who prefer to date Japanese men, and who are not open to the idea of dating a foreign man.
She’s really got to make up her mind she wants a foreign guy, or the guy has to help her make up her mind
But what about the Japanese women who do want to date foreign men?
Here are some common reasons why she prefers foreign men, and what that means:
- Foreign men are “exotic” or different from the usual type of man. This isn’t hard for a Western man to understand if he prefers Asian, or specifically for Japanese, women.
- Foreign men are often seen as glamorous. (You might hear people in Japan tell you that you look like a certain movie star or singer – even if the resemblance is faint at best.)
- Foreign men might have certain attitudes toward dating that are appealing to women (greater sense of gender equality, more “romantic,” more open about showing affection).
- Just as some Western men find Japanese women’s attributes to be particularly appealing, some Japanese women might want a man with physical attributes (height, hair color) or emotional/cultural attributes that are different from the “norm.”
- Many Japanese women who have studied English want to learn English by having an English-speaking boyfriend. At the outset, their “excuse” is learning the language, but the comfort built through that can lead to a relationship.
- Some Japanese women are looking for a foreign husband. They’re drawn to the idea of living abroad, and marrying a foreign man is one way to do that. That’s much less common than you’ll find among women from less economically powerful countries, such as the Philippines or Thailand. Or from perhaps more restrictive or collectivistic societies such as China and Taiwan.
- Some Japanese women who’ve lived or studied outside of Japan might be attracted to the culture of the foreign country they lived in – and will want to date men from that country.
Bottom line on Japanese women’s hopes in dating a non-Japanese man
Don’t expect that every Japanese woman is going to want to date you just because you’re foreign and “special.” That was a lot more common in the 1980s and 1990s as Japan was enjoying its economic rise and was freely mixing with the world.
As mentioned, these days, she may just as likely be after a smooth and stylish Korean man or a more aggressive and forward Chinese man.
But the ones who will want to date you will probably be interested in you, in part, for one or more of the reasons listed above.
