I’ll start this with a categorical “no,” and more than ever. No, it is not “easy” for foreigners to get Japanese girls if you mean it will take little effort.
These days, it’s no easier getting Japanese girls than any other girls. In many ways, depending on where you’re from, it may be harder.
If you’re a foreign guy in Japan, especially a white guy, you’ll still hear the common refrain of “you must get so many girls because you’re a foreigner.” Usually, it’s from a 40-year or older Japanese or someone back in your home country. They’re misinformed and going by outdated standards.
That’s because 10 years ago it was a bit easier. Twenty years ago it was a bit easier than that. And back in the Bubble Era heyday of the 1980s to early ’90s, Japanese women, I’ve heard, were at their most adventurous.
There are, however, plenty of single women who would love to get to know you. I assure you they will not throw themselves at you unless you look like a member of BTS. But if you can adopt some Japanese-style “game,” you’ll really help yourself out.
I’ll share some thoughts and advice you won’t get from your friends or from watching YouTube.
Contents
Times have changed for the Charisma Man in Japan
These days, thanks to Western political buffoons like Bush and Trump, the rising profile of other Asians, and the general globalization of what’s “cool” and “powerful,” a white guy has little advantage in Tokyo, Osaka, or anywhere other than groupie magnet places like Roppongi and international parties.
Japanese women, on the whole, have receded into safer spaces. Japanese guys are also no longer chain-smoking nerds, salaryman slaves to their companies. There are a lot of masculine, well-dressed, stylish, and in-shape dudes. A lot of them also gave up smoking!
Times have changed, Charisma Man. On the whole, the most popular foreign men these days are Koreans. That’s thanks to K-pop and the fact Koreans have similar features to Japanese. But they also have an image of being more passionate and masculine. They’re like Japanese guys, but better, at least in the eyes of some Japanese women.
This makes them a safer choice for Japanese girls “scared” by the unfamiliar.
Change your expectations, curb your enthusiasm
Depending on what you’ve read about Western men dating Japanese women in Japan, you might have certain expectations. If you’ve read books like Making Out in Japanese along with stories from a decade or two ago, you’ll get false impressions.
“This is going to be great,” you might think, “Japanese women are going to love me – they’re going to be throwing themselves at me left and right!”
Well, no, they probably won’t. More than ever, they won’t give you a second glance unless you’re especially large, dress loudly, or make an ass of yourself.
As with so many things about Japan, the truth is more complicated. Keep the following perspectives in mind.
Few Japanese women actively want to date Western men
Don’t assume that the entire female population of Japan is going to be yearning for you to set them free. Many of them are just fine how they are, and they don’t need you upsetting things by introducing unpredictable foreign behavior.
A lot of Japanese women are not interested in dating foreigners – there’s the language barrier, they might prefer Japanese men who understand them and their culture, or maybe they just don’t find foreign guys physically attractive.
Most of it boils down to familiarity. In the struggling economy and now the pandemic, Japan has receded into itself. It’s less curious than it has been in a long time. It’s found it can’t rely on the U.S. to be there for it and that the West can make a big mess of things.
There are going to be millions of Japanese women who are off-limits to you simply because you’re a gaijin. But don’t let that discourage you. You can overcome it if you put in the work.
Being a Western man may help you get attention, but you still have a lot of work to do
You might have a certain extra attractiveness because you’re different, but you still need to do the leg work.
You still need to be able to approach women with confidence, present yourself well, and do all the other little things to attract a date.
Also, if you can’t speak any Japanese, in most cases it will be harder. Japanese these days are not all that keen on upping their English skills. They don’t see it as freedom as much as it was before. They may be just as likely to be studying Chinese or Korean.
So yes, you may turn some heads, especially if you’re younger or physically you stand out. After that, you need personality and, ideally, communication skills, to back it up.
“Being yourself” in Japan isn’t like it is back home
Especially if you don’t speak Japanese, moving to Japan can be a big adjustment – culturally, emotionally, and socially.
Don’t expect to be at the top of your game as soon as you step off the plane. There are a lot of things you’ll need to learn about Japan and about yourself before you can feel fully in control of your dating powers.
Especially if you have traits such as a dry or sarcastic sense of humor, or you think your beard or tattoos make you cool (in Japan, they typically will have the opposite effect – they’ll intimidate and repel people), or you’re the life of the party, all this will change.
If you lose the language that conveys your humor. If your physical appearance doesn’t fit Japanese standards. If your loud and “fun” personality help you stand out. All this will change. You’ll need to tone things down, adjust a bit, realize when you’re hurting yourself.
Having honest friends, both Japanese and foreign, will really help you here.
Make mistakes and then adjust
Accidentally saying inappropriate words in Japanese. Accidentally walking out of the restroom while still wearing the special toilet slippers. Accidentally thinking that someone smiling at you is interested in you
These are all very common mistakes. You’re forgiven in most all cases, as long as you don’t break any laws.
Living in Japan is often a humbling experience. Your sense of humor and sense of self will be tested in new ways – and this will make you even less attractive for Japanese women who are already intimidated by what’s not familiar.
Again, keep your eyes open, watch TV, see what’s considered appropriate and attractive. Then adjust yourself. You can maintain your “foreignness” and yourself, but you must adjust.
There are Japanese women who want you
Japan is full of women and some of them (probably a lot of them) are going to be open to the idea of dating you.
But don’t go over there expecting to fill up your social calendar on Day 1. It’s not always easy to meet Japanese women – but it’s worth the effort. Especially outside of Tokyo or Osaka, it can be even harder. There are a lot of lonely foreign men in Japan, especially outside the major metro areas.
Those who aren’t lonely are the ones who’ve welcomed change into their lives and realized they’re playing a different game here than they did back home.
There are also many lonely Japanese women not even actively looking for a foreigner. They might have a bad impression of them from TV or from an overly assertive guy who approached them on the Yamanote Line. In other words, they just haven’t been approached by one who made them feel safe enough. They don’t have an accurate or balanced view, and that’s highly understandable.
Many have relegated themselves to online dating sites (though they’ll likely never actually meet a guy, it just reinforces their sense of value, like social media), introductions from friends, and workplace encounters.
Typically, their experiences with foreigners will be with aggressive and thirsty men who hound them on Instagram or Facebook. In-person they may have had an aggressive African or Latin American try and chat them up. Because these guys are typically more ballsy. Their game, however, often lacks nuance.
Conclusion – Tune in to what the locals do, and find your new self
Consider changing up your appearance a bit. Dress a bit better. Learn some Japanese. Tone down the physicality. Learn to be fun in a Japanese way and make her happy, make her forget her problems and busy things. Learn some patience. Make friends with Japanese. All these things can help you get better with Japanese women.
You can meet them online, in bars (assuming they’re COVID-safe), and in public areas. Not to mention via introductions.
Japanese women in the 2020s have little specific interest in foreigners, especially Westerners. Are you ready to change their mind?
